What I Never Told Anyone

1. You’re smokin’ hot!
2. That hat makes you look fat.
3. No cake for me, thanks.
4. I’ll have seconds of that liver!
5. That mushroom tapenade doesn’t look like dog food.
6. I’ll have the duck feet.
7. Let me wax the car, darling!
8. Move over, there’s room for all of us.
9. Give me your tire iron.
10. I love to go car shopping!
11. Why yes, I’d love to get into a bidding war for that condo!
12. Fried clams: mmm!
13. There are never enough wildfires.
14. Oregon pinot noir: meh.
15. Travel is over-rated.
16. Self-care is a waste of time.
17. My chosen tribe doesn’t get me.
18. True love is an illusion.
19. God takes all my plans very seriously!
20. Who needs income equity?
21. Democracy as we know it is in no danger whatsoever.
22. Creative writing is for fools.
23. Canada is just too nice.
24. Civility is for suckers.
25. Watch out – that dog looks dangerous.
26. Please, let me shave that beard for you.